we all have that magical time when most of your things are waxed, the majority of your clothes are clean and hanging in the closet, your hair is pretty much all one color, the house is cleanish, you have what you need, enough is enough, and there are still things to watch on the internet because you didn't entirely binge them all.  ah!  what a time to be alive.  all two days of it.

i think i'm entering into one of those unheard of bright phases, so i spent the evening looking for something wrong.  i found it in two dresses i just bought at old navy - they seemed like such a cute bargain last week, but tonight i spent at least 58 minutes trying to iron the wonky seams down after i washed them, so they could pass for halfway wearable again.  you know those amazing $18 dresses that you get pretty approximately -1 wear out of and they'll never be the same again?  this is what i decided to fixate on today, because everything else was going too well.

a certain spring imposed dreariness has set in here the past few days.  it's chilly, and rainy - the pollen is gone, the plants are thrilled, but the sky is gray and it feels weird to turn the heat back.  this time of year always transitions so quickly in raleigh.  overnight, all of the bushes and trees will flower bright pink and crisp white, buttery daffodils will pop up, little purple purple blooms will blanket the grass in the park, and fat puffs of snowball viburnum will drape off limbs in the neighborhood.  then suddenly, after the yellow pollen has blanketed everything inside and out, it will rain, and storm a few nights like it is now, and the flowers disappear, browning at the edges and falling to the ground.  next everything gets leafy and all green, and it's a proper southern summer before you know it.  hot and humid, the daylight lingering long into the evening, suppers pushed way back,  pants impossible to wear, ceiling fans essential and lots of stuff with berries: cobblers, drinks, sunday dresses.

i look forward to this change every year - i always have.  this year feels more disorienting though.  i'm trying to get my bearings.  it's easy to get attached to the flowers, but you have to remember the rain comes.  it has to do it's job.  there's a flow to it, and i have to remember to trust it.